This morning I sent my Christmas list to Santa Claus, ol’ Saint Nick, Pére Noel, Hanky the Christmas Poo, or if you’re feeling traditional, Father Christmas.

To: Amy (The Wife)
From: Richard
Subject: Christmas List

Dear Santa,

This year I have been a very good boy, I even let Amy get a rabbit (even though we’re crap at looking after it) and spent a fortune on a dining table and chairs. And a new telly for the bedroom which Amy promises me she will pay me back for and not blow it all on shoes.

This Christmas I would like a guitar effects pedal please. This one will do (or something like it) and an electric toothbrush (that doesn’t need to have effects, or be foot operated).

Hugs and kisses,

Richie.

And to my surprise, I got a reply after just a few short hours:

To: Richard
From: Amy (The Wife)
Subject: Re: Christmas List

Dear Richie,

I have seen you have been a very good boy this year and will reward you accordingly as I do each year. The rabbit tells me she loves her huge cage and the fact she is spoilt rotten.

I am sure my elves can knock together a pedal and even maybe a toothbrush (I will make sure it is elf-tested too!) Although you have been good, it is still a long way off until Christmas so I will be making sure that you are still behaving and making sure Amy is supplied with plenty of tea and lots of fun trips out.

See you in December,

Father Christmas

So there you have it, folks. That’s why I married her. She got connections, yo.